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I wrote this before learning my niece had died.
12/19/2000
Sharon,
This letter's
from your Aunt Cheryl. My name these days is Cheryl Miller.
I haven't seen
you in many years. Over 11 years ago I heard you were living in Hawaii.
In 1989 I had a
horrific breakdown remembering repeated rape by my father, who had died 10
years earlier. Your mother told my husband Phil over the phone that
you and your sister Cheryl Lee had gone thru this too.
After my
breakdown, your sister Marlene was the only one communicating with me a
little. I heard you showed up and you were hospitalized and diagnosed
schizophrenic. I asked Marlene what hospital you were at. She
wouldn't tell me. Marlene was still in relationship with the rest of her
family, and trying to get me to just get along with everybody. I don't
think any of them wanted me to tell your doctors about the incest history
in our family.
Part of what
motivated me to continue to be "loud" about the incest (Your mother
told my husband Phil over the phone, "No one's been so loud about it
before.") was Cheryl Lee's daughter Tiana's experience. A year
before my breakdown, Tiana (about 5?) saw an ad about safe touch, and told her
mother about what her dad had been doing. Tiana didn't tell the social
workers the story, and her dad wasn't arrested. Tiana had a vaginal
infection, described oral sex, and her father's roommate was a convicted
pedophile.
Your mother then
convinced Cheryl Lee that Tiana's visitation with her father must continue
because, "after all, that is her father." Pat was repeating a
decision she'd made 30 years before my breakdown. At that time Pat
was in therapy, you were an infant, and your mother spent a couple of weeks
calling my parents screaming at them over the phone about the incest.
Several years later she returned home a single mom with four daughters, and
continued to keep the secrets.
Since my
breakdown remembering, Marlene remembered being molested by my father, her
grandfather. At first she was writing me that remembering didn't affect
her at all, and it shouldn't affect me either. She still wanted all of
the family to get along. I don't think she liked my assertive response.
Suddenly she was suing the family trust fund and Mimi, her grandmother.
Marlene said my sisters and I (your mother, my sister and I) don't deserve the
money, that she deserves the money.
The family trust
fund was the 2nd biggest secret in our family. I tracked down the
trustee. He didn't know the trust fund was being sued. Marlene didn't
know the name of my grandmother, or how much the trust fund was worth.
Eventually a lawyer was hired for Mimi, and a lawyer was hired to protect the
trust fund.
I thought it was
odd that Marlene didn't include me as a witness since I have a lot of
written confirmation from your mother Pat and your grandmother Mimi that
alludes to the incest. Marlene settled out of court for $25,000.
Once the lawsuit
was finished, I called Marlene's attorney asking if he could sue on my behalf.
He couldn't. The statute of limitations had run out on my case. Her attorney
was at first testy and guarded. Then he tentatively asked if I had
similar memories of my parents. I said yes. He said astonished,
"You mean you would have testified?!?" I said of course.
In my mind it was about making Mimi accountable, and breaking the cycle of
abuse. He asked me how much the trust fund was worth. I told him
over a million dollars. They'd had no idea.
Since my mother
had never dipped in to the principal before, the trustee agreed to pay
Marlene's $25K, and to pay my mother's $10K legal fees.
... When I
tracked down the trustee, he suggested I get a copy of my paternal
grandmother's will. You may know that neither of my parents ever worked.
We lived frugally off the trust fund. My mother always implied she
couldn't get married again. I discovered that if she got married after dad's
death, she would lose the income from the trust fund she now lives on.
The trust fund is written that when my mother dies, the trust fund is
dissolved, and the money is split among my sisters and I, with $25K going to a
charity. Regarding my breakdown remembering, my mother snarled,
"Some day you'll thank me for having kept all these secrets." I
believe she was speaking about the fact that one day I will inherit a lot of
money.
The trust fund is
written that if your mother Pat dies and then Mimi dies, all of Pat's kids
share Pat's share of the trust fund. It's now worth 1 1/2 million
dollars. As a remainder beneficiary, I now get a monthly statement of
the trust fund.
I want to be sure
you know that information because of my twin sister Carol's attitude, and
apparently the rest of the family's attitude regarding honesty. Carol
was pregnant during my breakdown. I didn't want to tell her what was
happening with me because it might disturb her. I told her she could
write me if she needed my signature on the estate we were both conservators
for. As the next couple of years progressed, and Carol learned about my
breakdown remembering, she said, "So what if there was fondling and
voyeurism, that was just dad." Carol had a psychotic break about 10
years before my breakdown. Carol's breakdown was about missing dad, who had
died a year earlier. Carol spoke about the special relationship she had with
dad that she couldn't tell me about. At the time I was numb - I guess
pretending to myself I didn't know what she was talking about.
After my
breakdown, Carol chose to forge my name several times rather than contact me.
I later confronted her about it by mail. She wrote me, "The entire family
felt I was perfectly justified in signing your name." At the
time I was going thru a divorce, and didn't pursue charges. However I
later had an attorney write Carol, and cc the rest of the family, that tho the
statute of limitations had run out on prosecuting Carol for forging my
name, that I was concerned about the family trust fund, and that if any of
them forged my name again I would be prosecuting.
...
I never forgot
you telling me more than 20? years ago at the Norco Ranch about you writing in
your diary regarding your father molesting you. At the time, I felt a
little stunned, and I didn't know what to say. I admired your candor.
I felt privileged you confided in me. I've since felt guilty that I
didn't say much.
I think our
family of origin prefers to write you and me off as sick and unredeemable.
We're not.
I'm wishing you
well.
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