This is not about rage -- rage is anger out of control, taking over your whole being. This is about the feelings we call "irritation," "annoyance," "getting mad," etc. We are taught to avoid them -- to avoid having them if possible (it isn't) but certainly to avoid expressing them. Unfortunately, many people go overboard in controlling negative feelings AND THEIR AWARENESS OF FEELING THEM.

We learn to be "nice" and "civil" which means (among other things) hiding BAD feelings. With the expression stifled and to protect ourselves from the unbearable burden of continually unexpressed BAD feelings, we go to the next step and convince ourselves that we are not angry, even when we are. Such self-deception does not work and the blocked anger "leaks out" in various ways, some of which are listed.

Checklist for Hidden Anger

1. Procastination in the completion of imposed tasks.

2. Perpetual or habitual lateness.

3. A liking for sarcastic or ironic humor.

4. Sarcasm, cynicism or flippancy in conversation.

5. Over-politeness, constant cheerfulness

6. Frequent sighing.

7. Smiling while hurting.

8. Over-controlled monotone speaking voice.

9. Frequent disturbing or frightening dreams.

10. Difficulty in getting to sleep or sleeping through the night.

11. Boredom, apathy, loss of interest in things you are usually enthusiastic about.

12. Slowing down of movements.

13. Getting tired more easily than usual.

14. Excessive irritability over trifles.

15. Getting drowsy at inappropriate times.

16. Sleeping more than usual -- maybe 12 to 14 hours a day.

17. Waking up tired rather than rested and refreshed.

18. Clenched jaws -- especially while sleeping.

19. Facial tics, spasmodic foot movements, habitual fist clenching and similar repeated physical acts done unintentionally or unawares.

20. Grinding of the teeth -- especially while asleep.

21. Chronically stiff or sore neck.

22. Chronic depression -- extended periods of feeling down for no reason.

23. Stomach ulcers.

Author Unknown

Have you ever read Women Who Run with the Wolves? It has a story about a woman who loves a rageful man. She goes to a healer who tells the woman she must get a hair from the crescent bear. The woman persists and suffers thru a terrible journey to get the hair of the bear. She found the bear, then had to woo him for days with food and kindness. Then she brings it back to the healer who throws the hair in the fire! "NO!" cried the woman, "What have you done?!?" The healer said, "Remember each step you took to climb the mountain? Remember each step you took to capture the trust of the crescent moon bear? Remember what you saw, what you heard, and what you felt?"

"Yes," said the woman, "I remember very well." The old healer smiled at her gently and said, "...go home with your new understandings and proceed in the same ways with your husband."

"The story reveals an entire model for dealing with, and healing from rage: by seeking a wise and calm healing force (going to the healer), taking the challenge of going into psychic territory one has never approached before (climbing the mountain), recognizing the illusions (dealing with climbing the boulders, running under the trees), putting one's old and obsessive thoughts and feelings to rest (meeting the muen-otoke, restless spirits without relatives to bury them), soliciting the great compassionate Self (patiently feeding the bear and the bear returning her kindness), understanding the roaring side of the compassionate psyche (recognizing that the bear, the compassionate Self, is not tame).

The story shows the importance of bringing this psychological knowledge down to earth in our real lives (coming down off the mountain and back into the village), learning that healing is in the process of questing and practice, not in a single idea (destruction of the hair). The heart of the story is, "Apply all these things to one's rage, and all will be well" (advice from the healer to go home and apply these principles."