ACOA Incest Survivors Healing Your Sexual Self 90-Minute Meeting Format

Hello, my name is ____________. Welcome to the ACOA Incest Survivor's Healing Your Sexual Self Meeting. We meet to share the experience we had as children growing up in an incestuous home -- the way it affected us then and the way it affects us now. By practicing the 12-Steps, focusing on the Solution, and accepting a Higher Power of our understanding, we find freedom from the denial of the effects of the incest. We identify with the Situation and learn to live in the Solution, one day at a time. We wish at last to find our real self.

Please join me in the Serenity Prayer:

    God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

I have asked _________ to read the Situation.

I have asked _________ to read the Solution.

I have asked _________ to read the 12-Steps.

If you are attending this meeting for the first time, please tell us your first name.   This is not to embarrass you, but so we can get to know you better.

Welcome.  Keep coming back. This Program is not easy, but if you can handle six meetings in a row, you will start to come out of denial. This will give you freedom from the past. Both you and your life will change. You may ask for phone numbers, you do not have to give out your phone number. We do not have a phone list. By attending six meetings in a row at the beginning and regularly thereafter we come to know and act as our real self.  We do this by identifying with our common Situation and Solution. We choose to become our own loving parent. We come out of denial and share the pain of childhood memories. We experience love and acceptance from members of our ACOA family group. We grow to awareness that feelings of the past and present form a pattern. We learn that pattern can change. So please keep coming back. Listen. Learn. And most of all, share your feelings.

Please ask before touching or hugging someone.

Feel free to bring cuddlies, teddy bears, dolls, pillows or other love objects to help you feel safe.

This is a discussion meeting of feelings and experiences. What you hear at this meeting, leave at this meeting. It is not for gossip or public disclosure. Please respect the privacy of those who share here today.

The intention of this group is to provide a safe place for sharing. We understand that many of us have anger over past problems. This is not a place to act out problems on the rest of the group. Emotional expression is encouraged, but not when it is directed at others.

The 13th Step is using a 12-Step Program to initiate sexual relationships. In this meeting we want men and women to be safe from sexual initiation, invitation, innuendo or sexual threat. We want this meeting to be free from the 13th Step and to be a safe place for survivors to talk about their individual sexulality.

The focus of this meeting is Incest Survivors. We understand that most perpetrators of incest are also victims of incest and, as victims, are welcome here. However, for the safety of the rest of the group, let us be clear that no sharing regarding perpetration of incest is welcome.

We are afraid of the things we don't have boundaries about. This is the part of the meeting where we briefly state our boundaries. We do this because boundaries give us potency, protection and permission. It benefits a survivor to hear herself say her own boundaries out loud. It benefits all survivors to hear each other's boundaries. If you choose not to speak, just pass.

In order to give us food for thought, we'll go around the room and read some questions. If you choose not to read, just pass.

We are learning to practice self-discipline in sharing the opportunity to speak. To allow as many people as possible a chance to share, each person is welcome to speak for four minutes without interruption or cross-talk. Would someone like to begin?

(15 min before end of meeting) It is now time for our Seventh Tradition, which states that "every ACOA family group should be self-supporting, declining outside contributions."

Does anyone have any announcements?

We have about _________ left for sharing.

(5 min before end of meeting) That's all we have time for. If you still feel the need to share, please stay after the meeting and find someone to talk to.

I have asked __________ to read the Promises.

After a brief moment of silence for the Survivors still out there suffering alone, we'll stand for Our Father's Prayer. Thank you for joining us. Keep coming back.

(standing in circle holding hands) This circle represents that we need never be alone again. Who's Father?... (the group begins with the our father).